As a wife, mom, and therapist, I believe in the value and importance of prioritizing my own physical, emotional, mental, social and spiritual needs so that I can be my best for my family and my clients. It’s easy to fall into the trap of believing that self-care takes too much energy, but I think a lot of times we overthink what “counts” as self-care. I’m sharing what self-care looks like for me in this season in the hope that it will help you recognize the ways you might already be practicing self-care and empower you to prioritize your wellbeing in new ways.
daily
Brush teeth - I think this one is pretty self explanatory, but it’s not something we think of right away when we think about self-care. It’s just something we do, but it’s really a great example of unglamorous self-care that keeps our bodies healthy.
Wash face - When I was pregnant with Lucy, I decided to get serious about skincare. I switched all my skincare and makeup to Beautycounter and I haven’t looked back. I have become a person who is disciplined about cleansing and moisturizing. I am even a person who appreciates a good serum. In those early postpartum days it made me feel human when I was running on broken sleep and the habit stuck.
Quiet time - The day goes so much better when I begin it on purpose and on my own terms. I’m crankier and less patient when I go straight from sleep to parenting to working to parenting etc. So I try to wake up early most mornings, to have some time to ease into the day. For me this looks like making a cup of coffee, sitting in silence, reading some nonfiction and/or spiritual book, and journaling.
Movement - When the gym is open, Lucy and I go 2-3 times per week. We sprung for the extra $15 per month on our membership to include childcare. I drop Lucy off with Miss Marcia, pop in my ear buds and move my body. Other days we go for long walks, or I work out in the living room while Lucy climbs on me like a jungle gym. I’ve learned that movement is really important for my mental health. I get super grumpy if I don’t move my body. I’m not working out to burn a certain number of calories, lose weight or “work off” something I ate. I workout so I can keep up with my toddler now and dance with Jeff at our grandkids weddings some day.
Read - On most days I make at least 20 minutes to read for fun. I set a timer for 20 minutes and open my book. I read longer if there’s time, but setting the timer helps me remember that this is reading time and keeps me from falling into the temptation to make a quick phone call or send an email. When I sit down to read, a lot of times I’ll think of things I need to do later, so if I have pen and paper handy, I write it down so I don’t forget and then return to the page.
Quick Tidy Up - While one of us does the bedtime routine with Lucy, the other tidies up the first floor. We pick up the toys, clear off the kitchen counters and put away any clutter that accumulated from the day. This way, once bedtime is over, we’re really done and aren’t stepping over blocks and puzzle pieces all night. For a couple of hours, our space and time are ours. Plus, when I wake up in the morning it feels like a clean slate. I know it will be a mess within the hour, but I also know that because we do a little each day, it won’t take much to get it under control.
Hydrate - This is something I’m hit or miss on. When I was in those early postpartum days, nursing around the clock, I drank water by the gallon. I notice I have more energy and generally feel better when I’m drinking enough water.
weekly
Solo nights - On any given week, there’s at least one night where Jeff and I retreat to seperate rooms to do our own thing after bedtime. These are the nights where I slather on a face mask, break off some dark chocolate and basically go straight to bed with a book to read or a show to watch.
Laundry - I am not great about staying on top of laundry. I think “yes! all caught up!” and all of a sudden it’s been a week and there’s 6 loads of laundry again. Once it’s washed and dried, it often sits in baskets for several days before getting folded. When I can stay on top of it, I’m reminded how much easier it is to get dressed in the morning when all my clothes are in my drawers and not a wrinkled mess in a basket.
Asking for help - This has been HUGE for me. I feel so much more present with Lucy during our time together when my mind isn’t trying to hold a million little strings of blog post and essay ideas because I know I have a window of time to get it all down.
Sleepovers - Lucy spends the night with grandparents anywhere from 2-4 times per month. In fact, she just had her first full weekend away and it was magical. For everyone. Sometimes it‘s a planned ahead datenight, other times it‘s out of necessity when we‘re all hanging out too close to bed time. Either way, it’s nice to have that extra time with Jeff a few times per month.
Walks - I mentioned this in the daily part, but on a weekly basis, we try to go for a walk at least once as a family. This is where Jeff and I do our “weekly check-in” most of the time. In most weather, Hank, Lucy and I get out for a walk most days. It helps me fill my introvert cup with one ear bud in while she looks around at the world and laughs at Hank.
Rosary - At least once a week we pray along with the daily rosary podcast. I choose one or two intentions and pray alone in the car or on a walk.
Mass - Pre-COVID, we’d go to our normal mass and sit in our normal section with our usual crew. Our friends help keep Lucy entertained, which means I may even get to enjoy a few prayerful moments.
monthly
Budget meeting - Every month, Jeff and I account for the previous month’s spending and plan the upcoming month’s budget. I could write an entire blog post about how we approach money conversations. It’s taken time and practice to, but we’ve created a fruitful space for budget conversations that move us toward eachother, and toward a financial future we feel confident about.
Date night - Like I said, we usually ship Lucy off to the grandparents so we can have a good chunk of time together at least once a month. Sometimes our date is really fun and different, sometimes it’s a favorite spot and familiar rhythm. What matters is that we’re together. (P.S. Look for a mini date night series coming soon!)
Book Club - I absolutely adore my book club, even though we mostly just talk about life and eat snacks. It is so life giving to spend an evening with friends, sipping wine, talking about books and life and marriage. We laugh A LOT and we also share the deeper, harder parts of life. More than once we have cried over one another’s joys and sorrows.
Cleaning - After we finished school and got big kid jobs, one of the first things we made room for in our budget was a house cleaner. Twice a month, our house gets deep cleaned while I’m at work and it is worth every penny. For at least 10 minutes each month, I have a truly clean house.
Washing my makeup brushes - About once a month I wash my make up brushes with Dr. Bronner’s Peppermint soap and water. It’s so satisfying to see fresh, clean brushes lined up in a row on the sink and to smell a hint of peppermint every time I do my makeup for the next week or so.
yearly
Dental care - We make sure to get regular dental cleanings and do not put off routine care like fillings.
Physicals - Both with our primary care physician and my ObGyn. As inconvenient as it is to make the time and either take Lucy or arrange for childcare, I know it’s important so I make it happen.
Travel - We travel quite a bit. For vacations with family or just the two of us, for long weekends to Huntington for Marshall games or to visit friends and family. This year, we had some vacation plans cancelled due to COVID, but we’re still hoping to plan a trip for just the two of us some time this year and I’m hoping to get away for a long weekend with my best friend (and website designer). I’m also looking forward to our book club retreat in September.
Confession - I try to get to confession on a quarterly basis, so 4 times a year total. For me, it’s an important spiritual practice, not because I enjoy listing off my many faults and flaws to our pastor, but because it’s a reminder that my faults don’t define me. For me, it’s an important practice in vulnerability. It’s hard to say the things I’m ashamed of and beating myself up for out loud, but when I see his face filled with understandingand compassion, I’m reminded that my sins aren’t shocking or horrifying to God, and it brings me peace.
When it comes to self-care I try to balance the unglamorous stuff like de-cluttering with more indulgent things like face masks. I also try to hit on my physical, mental, spiritual and social wellbeing and engage in solo activities as well as communal self-care. It’s not a perfect system and I’m not obsessive about it, but this is what works for me in this season.